Why no recent mother should spend a lot of time alone

Time alone– What nobody tells you about motherhood: you’ll never be alone again. What nobody tells you about motherhood: you’ll never be alone again. I leave it to you then so you can see it and think about it. But it made me reflect and it made me think about how fatherhood. And especially motherhood, makes people change to a point that is sometimes total, until the point that you feel that your life is erased.  It escapes you at times, that your identity fades between your new and irreplaceable responsibilities.

The postpartum that nobody explains to you, that nobody talks about because it seems like a taboo. The postpartum that everyone denies because it seems that being children must be eminently wonderful and always special. That postpartum that hurts and that can disorient even the strongest woman: why no recent mother should spend a lot of time alone .

The illustration of Sneak

Difficult to know what the author meant, right? Apparently he was a very controversial illustrator who liked little adults, but much to his audience, children. So knowing this we could interpret this series of illustrations as the children’s desire to love their mother in such a way that they would even be able to eat it. Even if that meant losing it, and precisely because they did not take that into account. And is that children do not do things thinking about the future consequence, but to satisfy their need for the present.

But I interpreted it in another way, even though the mother’s face does not match my hypothesis. The motherhood that I talked about a few paragraphs above, when the baby’s needs gradually finish with the needs of the mother. Mother and woman and they are making it disappear every day a little bit. Until the moment in which she stops being the woman, to be only the mother.

The moment in which the mother seeks to satisfy her basic needs when the baby gives her a break. Or even with him in her arms: to eat with the baby in her arms or on her breast, to relieve herself with the baby in her arms or on her breast. And showering without him just because showering with him would be really annoying for the son.

The sad and bitter denial of reality

I have commented on several occasions and today I say it once again: it is unfortunate that as a society we deny what it means to be a mother or to be a father. And it is unfortunate that society has become a place where babies and children they hardly have a place. Everything goes at a pace where children do not enter, and their mothers and fathers do the impossible to navigate between two watches: that of their lives. And that of the lives of the children, which hardly fit.

The denial of which I speak is that lie, or that half-truth, in which they tell you that having a baby is something wonderful, but they do not explain how hard it can be. The beautiful announcement of pregnancy, a surprise for the whole family, children are the engine of life for adults. They are beautiful, the family crying with emotion when they learn that you will have a baby and once the baby is born you take a reality slap that hurts, and a lot.

It is not a precious baby that smiles at you as soon as it is born and that adapts to your rhythms so that you are all happy. But an animal brood that is programmed in the most selfish way possible to enable its survival. It cries for the day and cries at night , and sometimes in a way that makes you lose your temper. Do not let yourself do anything that may seem a bit like having a life and do not care about what your obligations are. They eat on demand, on theirs, when they are hungry.

And if it takes a few minutes they cry more and more. And there are a lot of things that bother them, to the point that sometimes you do not know what to do to make them feel good. Making you feel a complete useless person who does not know how to be a moth. Destroying your self-esteem as a mother. And caregiver, making you feel incapable of doing something that every woman is supposed to do because everyone has a mother.

No one talks to you about all this, I guess because people think that if they tell you they will not have children. And in this society it seems that there is nothing worse than that a couple live without procreating. Because of course: what will people say! But they are wrong to deny it, by not explaining it. Because young people should (we should) have the information and then decide what to do.

That way we would know when a good time alone to be a parent is and we would know that motherhood. And fatherhood is very hard and requires a lot of dedication, affection, affection, dedication and patience. Knowing this, everything would be easier and who knows, even people would have more children. Or at least they would have those who are better able to have them and raise them.

And then there is, as I say, the clash of “cultures.” The one of the society that we have created among all, that everything is going at a vertiginous rate. And that of the infantile culture, in which everything is going to another rhythm. It is an incredible shock in which parents have to decide, whether to try to adapt children to society (very hard for children.

Who suffer in that attempt or try to adapt to the baby, which is undoubtedly better for children. Children and in the long run, better for parents, who discover that children come, often, to give us a second chance, to live life more calmly, savoring small things, details, time alone. And giving value to affection, to relationships, to dialogue and not so much to what you have or stop having in possession.

That’s why a mother should not spend much time alone

All this to say that as it continues to tell the truth half-heatedly. The biggest slap of reality is taken by mothers in the silence of their homes, enclosed by a baby that is slowly engulfing them. Once you are at that point, or to prevent it and not suffer, do not cry in the corners. And do not feel alone, other adults must be with her.

To support her, to tell her that she is doing well, that she is not alone. So she can tell us what we can do to make her feel better. To give her a conversation, to explain anecdotes from the “outside”, so that she can vent.

And I’m not only talking about the solitude of being alone and the baby physically. But of the one in which there are people around who do not know about the situation. Or who disguise and continue to deny that it is very hard, and that instead.

Friends, mothers, grandmothers, companions. And also friends, parents, grandparents and companions. And dad, of course. That network of people who remember the woman who is devoting all her energies to being a mother. And should not let her feel that she disappears. That network of people that every mother needs and few have.

So if you are a mother who feels alone, or who is alone, look for her! And if you know a recent mother. Call her as soon as you can and ask her when you can go home to see her. Since she is a mother you do not know about her.

And you want to spend time alone with her; and once you’re there. Just let yourself go, borrow whatever you want. Talk if you want to listen and listen if you want to talk. And tell him, as soon as you have a moment. That he is doing very well and that for whatever he needs, there you’ll be .

I’m sure you’ll always appreciate it and I’m sure that. When you’re in your situation, with a baby in your arms. Near the disappearance as a person. She will appear by the door to smile at you, hold you and listen to you. That is how support networks are woven, so children are raised.