Losing a loved one
At first, you do not believe it’s not there, do not accept it, the memories are too close, you seem to spread, but really only be intangible memories. You’re with “emotional inertia of time.”
Soon comes the abyss, is when you are more aware of this, loss. You feel like a fighter unarmed. The abyss is there and we must pass it before or after, when they leave is when you touch the emotions go, or rather fall in the abyss that is still pending. You need to know and go through it alone.
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Somewhat later, the loss is accepted, and emotions gush, like stones by a metal pipe must let them go. There is much pain, being so recent experiences, it seems that memories can live again, but you’re there, being aware of the absence.
Later you learn that all suffering is necessary. You can get an understanding of life that gives a spiritual sense. You get to “enjoy suffering,” this is something that was considered taboo until recently, and it just seems to be tolerated, and today, precisely in duels and certain license (if possible professional).
When memories appear a personal, spiritual moment occurs, time passes more slowly and everything is valued otherwise, it’s like you would connect with something wiser and bigger, with Life. The connection is a strong relief, given the lack of the presence of one who is no longer.
Recalling, visualize, and imagination makes us feel that the person is right here, then relaxes the mind and generates liberating sensations that can help move forward. It can be automatic or can be taken out of habit, like a drug, we want to control by doses gradually point when we know we need it now, although control is illusory. It becomes a temporary escape valve.
The scar is, it is always there, never forget, but now we see that it has some beauty. The memory is fading over time, accumulate experiences and leaves covering the surface, forming an emotional basis not only of pain but the transit through that grief. Time has the power to change that emotional base, but it protects and covers to be maintained at a deep level and that we can continue the day to day managing different emotions needed to live.
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Share experiences among people in the same situation helps a lot to understand. Some understanding is needed beyond the usual logic. However, it is solitary path, a way and pace of each. Although people with a very close bond share the loss, their emotions are shared only on special moments and are socially taboo as the shared sadness, as if it were a bad thing, it is still frowned upon. As if, you could share moments of joy in common, but not of sadness. Something similar happens with the thought that you had to see the title, “Why will read this post if you talk about something wrong?” It is natural to think, because it’s what they taught us.
Maybe I have it as a taboo subject not as natural as we think, death is natural and always happens. Perhaps if someone loses a loved one and wants to share something, she is waiting to be heard and not to be judged as it presupposes a society full of problems.
Society is sicker than any of us. It is just waiting for us we improve.
